The State Only Wants Left-Wingers and Right-Wingers

You know you live in a free country when the government allows you to choose which of two basic political camps you can be a part of. I mean, you get a choice! We're so privileged to live in a democracy (no matter what those crazy libertarians say).

Ahh, freedom. Take a deep breath and suck it all in, my friends. You can almost smell it in the air, can't you? We're a nation of left vs. right, and that's just the way the state likes it. Our herd mentality ensures that the hoi polloi will forever engage in their intellectual pap by the keg or on cable TV, all while the masters do whatever they like with our money and property. Keep the people arguing, to put it simply, and no one will really notice while they slowly unravel the rug of liberty.

This concept became perfectly clear to me over the weekend while my wife and I were sitting in a car dealership in Annapolis closing on a new vehicle. After doing my duty as a Good American and indebting myself to another loan we don't really need, it was time for the dealership's business manager to furnish new tracking devices license plates for the car.

We live in Maryland, which up until last year had one of the better looking license plates among the states (notwithstanding the fact that government tags are evil, of course). It was a plain black and white with a small state flag insignia. Nothing fancy. Nothing that would clash with your car too badly.

Not anymore. The new standard Maryland plate is a gawdy red, white, and blue layout advertising the War of 1812. Sweet. Piss off the Indians even more by cheerleading for one of the most unnecessary and evil government land grabs in history. Christ, no wonder these poor fuckers are alcoholics.

So what's a new car owner to do if advertising the state war machine makes you tickle the ol' uvula with stomach acid? Well, you can pay 20 bucks more for an equally ugly "Treasure the Chesapeake" tag. That's what I want -- to not only be associated with bigoted fricking environmentalists but to have to do it by driving around with a picture of a gay-ass blue heron on my license plate. But that's what I had to do.

So there you have it. To break it down to the simplistic ideological boilerplate the state likes, we've got a choice: join the lefties or the righties, ya dig? Go blow if you just want to be left the fuck alone.

Comments

[Cal]

Thank goodness for vanity plates. Here are a couple of alternatives:

1. Right wing plate (the flag one) with something like "BURN IT"
2. Left wing plate (the Chesapeake one) with something like "N8R H8R"

Those are almost as good as the California "save the whales" plates I see on gas hog SUVs from time to time. Ah, boobus Americanus. Always good for a cheap laugh.

[trevor]

Dude, I think I'd be willing to re-register my car in order to put "N8R H8R" on the plate!