It's no surprise to find cops hanging out at doughnut shops, but I almost pulled out of the Dunkin' Donuts drive-thru line the other day after placing my order once I noticed a flyer hanging above the intercom advertising the company's "Cops on Rooftops" initiative, a fundraising effort that supposedly helps police officers raise money for Special Olympics.
If my jones for a couple Boston cream donuts and a large coffee wasn't so strong, I would've turned around and done my best to express my dissatisfaction with a private company voluntarily working in tandem with local thugs. And if I were truly heroic, I would've proceeded forth to the drive-thru window, canceled my order, and told a manager exactly why I was doing it.
But I didn't, so basically I pussed out. I mean, I was freaking hungry. But after taking a couple days to think about the situation, I realized that Dunkin' Donuts is most likely just playing the game -- currying favor with local officers in an attempt to stave off future harassment.
Now, obviously I could be wrong. I haven't done enough research as yet to even figure out how this program started. Dunkin' Donuts could have been playing off the age-old cop/doughnut relationship when it approached police departments about participating in fundraising efforts. Or it could've been the other way around, with cops figuring they'd get even more time with their beloved doughnuts if they concocted a scheme to raise money for charity while they were just sitting around doing nothing anyway (much like when police chiefs shake down nightclub owners by "encouraging" them to employ off-duty officers, lest they face raids for underage drinking and the like).
Maybe someone will write in with the answer, but if I had to guess, I'd say this is an effort that was initiated by Dunkin' Donuts. For all the jokes, we really never knew how good we had it when most cops were fat asses who just sucked down coffee while they sucked up taxpayer resources. Sadly, most of us know that cops don't do a lot of sitting around in their cars these days. Most of them look like Rambo instead of Ralph Kramden, and they're busy doing lots of other things like harassing nonviolent motorists at DUI checkpoints and speed traps, raiding legal marijuana dispensaries and private homes looking for free weed, assaulting and even executing innocent civilians, killing housepets, and covering up their own crimes -- you know, overall just being civic-minded pillars of their local communities.
No one is safe nowadays, so I can't really fault local businesses for trying to stay out of these guys' crosshairs. But there's still something unsettling about helping government goon squads hoodwink the public into thinking they're good guys just because they've raised a few grand for kids in wheelchairs.
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