Drinkers 1, Nanny State 0

Who wants to live forever? In response to Freddie Mercury's timeless question, I do, and it looks like I'm well on my way.

In what must certainly come as a kick in the nuts to politicians, bureaucrats, and fun police everywhere, a new study suggests that heavy drinkers outlive nondrinkers. And moderate drinkers -- those who consume one to three drinks per day (and the category into which I fall, at least on Sunday through Thursday) -- have the lowest mortality rates in alcohol studies.

I'm no doctor or scientist, but I think I've got enough experience in this department to qualify as an expert. And if you ask me, moderate drinkers outlive everyone else because alcohol kills germs, makes you happy, cuts stress, and makes you drive better. Well, okay, maybe not that last one, but I maintain that, generally, the vast majority of people who drive with a BAC in excess of the state's arbitrary limit are much more careful than they are if they haven't had anything to drink.

But I digress. I'm glad to know alcohol is on my side, and that it loves me nearly as much as I love it.

If I have one quibble with this study, it's the researchers' deferential caveat to the PC partypoopers by noting that drinking can be bad because it can "impair your memory" or lead to "other mishaps" like cheating on your spouse.

Seriously, guys, everyone knows it's not cheating if you're on vacation, wearing a rubber, or drunk -- especially if you can't remember! Jeesh.

Comments

[Kent McManigal]

I thought the main reasons to drink were precisely "because it can 'impair your memory' or lead to 'other mishaps' like cheating on your spouse." Seriously, why else drink? Everyone has memories they'd rather get rid of, and if drinking "makes" you "cheat", then obviously you really want/need to anyway, but lack the courage to act.

[kramer]

i must comment on this post since i purposely DVR'd the mainstream mafia's (er media's) slanted coverage of this study just to debunk my spouse's adoption of the previous clinial definition of an alcoholic!!

However...this excerpt from the article floored me...

"It's true that those who abstain from alcohol tend to be from lower socioeconomic classes, since drinking can be expensive. And people of lower socioeconomic status have more life stressors — job and child-care worries that might not only keep them from the bottle but also cause stress-related illnesses over long periods"

Have these pointed headed researchers ever been to a NASCAR race...or been to a liquor store where dudes on their 98th week of unemployment benefits who you'd NEVER let your daughter date hang out smoking $3/packs of coffin nails and playing non stop Keno?

Where did these guys do their research???...some country club with $35,000 per year memberships??

I think they should have included studying a useful demographic...like what do chicks with tramp stamps like to drink... ;)

we're all gonna take a dirt nap at some point....could happen any place any time....so to not enjoy several stiff ones on a regular basis is now officially hazardous to your health!!